Let’s be honest. Many of us need to stop living on autopilot. Much of what we do daily falls into two main groups. First, there’s the ‘has to happen’ group.
Then, there’s the “why am I even doing this?” This includes flipping on the TV or scrolling through your phone just because your thumb knows the way. Some things need our attention. Others happen because we expect them to. That’s where we draw the line: the difference between what comes naturally and what shows up only when we invite it in.
Default activities vs. intentional ones
Let’s break it down:
Autopilot activities: These keep you stuck in the same routine. They cover things like taking out the trash, answering emails, and paying bills. Often necessary, but not always fulfilling.
Intentional activities: These are the ones you actively choose. They don’t demand your attention, but they often hold your greatest values. They require effort. They won’t happen unless you make time for them.
Why Important Things Get Pushed Aside
Here’s the harsh truth: The good stuff, the real, memorable moments that expand your life, doesn’t usually happen on its own. It doesn’t just come barging in. You need to create space for it — or it won’t happen at all.
In the battle for your time and attention, default activities hold a significant advantage. Not because they mean more, often they don’t, but because they’re easier to notice. Most elective activities, even the important ones, are surprisingly simple to put off. It’s not that you don’t care. You do. Maybe you have wanted to learn another language, make short films, or train for a specific sport. You read about it. You follow others doing it. You picture yourself thriving in that future.
But so far, you haven’t started. Why? Because nothing drastic happens if you don’t.
Unlike unpaid bills or missed deadlines, not going after your dreams doesn’t lead to a crisis. It just gets quietly set aside. You tell yourself you’ll handle it once life calms down. But here’s the truth: life doesn’t make room for you. Not on its own.
Default activities act like a gas; they expand to fill whatever space you give them. And that “container”? That’s your time. Your days. Your years. So, unless you deliberately set aside time for the things that matter most, they won’t just get squeezed out. Instead, they’ll disappear.
This is the life-satisfaction version of the old business saying: pay yourself first. If you try to handle everything else before focusing on what matters, there’s often nothing left. Put some stakes in the ground.
How to Stop Living on Autopilot in 3 Steps
So, if the important things won’t happen on their own, how do you make sure they do? It comes down to three practical things:
1. Know what it is; clearly. Not “learn guitar,” but “play these five Beatles songs without mistakes.” Vague dreams aren’t actionable.
2. Know when you’ll start and when you’ll finish. A goal without a start date is just an intention. A goal with no end date is just a nice idea you’ll get back to “someday.”
3. Always know the next step. As soon as you lose sight of the next action, it stalls. Clarity drives progress.
If you have those three (what, when, and next), you have something solid. You have a map to follow. After facing the same obstacles too many times, I created a system to help people achieve these kinds of goals— even those that have sat on the “someday” shelf for years.
I’ve a small-group program where each person chooses one thing they’re ready to tackle: finishing a novel, launching a website, applying for that job they always wanted, recording a demo, and more. We start with clarity: What’s your goal (or “quest,” as we call it)? When will you start? Then we develop what I call a living plan. You focus on the first few clear steps, update as you go, and always have a way to get back on track if you get stuck.
It’s not elaborate or flashy. But it gets results because it’s designed for real life and real progress.
If you’re curious, you can contact me to join the list.
